RSPH

Sarah is a reformed offender who, by improving her own health and then training as a health trainer, has turned her life around from what was despair, to fulfilment and hope. She took the RSPH Understanding Health Improvement award, as a stepping stone to becoming a health trainer.

So there I was, standing before sixty well established members of society, all intently listening to what I had to say. It flashed through my mind; “Why would they want to know about my life and how it’s changed?” A shot of adrenaline pulsed through me as I realised today was the day. Today I had to acknowledge not only my own personal achievements, but those of the people that enabled me to get here. The sixty people before me were the creators, researchers, teachers, believers and the passionate. The people responsible for the training I had received to become a Health Trainer working for the Probation Service. To my right sat my Project Manager Brian Leigh and my inspirational colleague Dave.

From the tender age of 15 my life has been very erratic. I have always been a very emotional person and at that age I internalised all of it. I was shy, scared, had low self worth, no confidence and I felt overwhelmingly frustrated with life. I self harmed to try and release these tensions. Somehow it used to help numb the pain, distract me from my fears. When I was about 16 I started using alcohol to cover up these short comings. It became my mask, my confidence, humour, courage, best mate and most of all, my release. It was my way of controlling my emotions. At the tender age of 21 I decided to try a few other avenues of “emotion management”. I started smoking pot, taking ecstasy, cocaine, speed, acid and just about anything else that came my way. I tried mixing them up, taking them all together and lived for the moment. Each substance allowed me to control myself in a different way and thus I used most of these on a regular basis, some daily, for a staggering 10 years. I managed to buy a flat, hold down a full time job and blunder recklessly through relationships.

As you can imagine no one, not even invincible Sarah, can go through life like this.

At the age of 31, after a string of violent outbursts at inanimate objects, self medicating with antidepressants, taking drugs and allowing the drink to get me, I decided I didn’t want to play anymore. On August 9th 2006 I decided it was time to see if I had a “problem”. I booked an appointment to see a counsellor at the Priory, Marchwood. It’s laughable looking back. I sat there asking this guy if he thought I had a problem. I had spent the previous weekend being up from the Thursday morning to the Sunday night after taking a continuous supply of speed, ecstasy, and drinking heavily. I sat there looking and feeling awful. He just looked at me and my world collapsed. The answer was staring me in the face. The mask had slipped. It was time for the real Sarah to step up. I was given information about some local alcohol and addiction support services and off I went.